Linda's ECE World

             So this week we talk about the sexualization of young girls/boys in our American society.  This has been a big concern for many teachers and parents for most of the last twenty years.  I think for me it was the Jean Bennett Ramsey case where the little girl was a rising baby beauty star who was murdered.  Now her status as a baby beauty star had nothing to do with her being murdered but when I saw the pictures and video of her performance and she was dressed up like an adult at three years old I was pretty shocked by it.  I have two daughters, they are both drop dead gorgeous.  But my rule was that kids will be kids and I didn't encourage any of the seemingly “normal” stuff other mom’s let their children do at an early age.  You could safely say I was that controlling mother who watched what my kids were exposed to.  We didn't watch much TV and it was PBS when we did, we read the classics and we did a lot of stuff out side.  My oldest daughter wanted to wear dresses all the time but they were dresses that were modest. We didn't go to see the latest Disney movie nor emulate the latest Disney Princess.  I made sure my sons had the proper sense of how to treat a girl or women. Respect them along with everyone else.   

       Time has passed.  My children are now adults and watch and wear what they want.  While I am not always thrilled with their choices I can’t complain much.  And as I watch TV and read magazines I am over whelmed by the blatant adds directed at tweens to adult women that make them think having long silky hair, a curvaceous figure and long eye lashes makes them a more desirable date.   In my teaching I have run into this in the early childhood classroom.  The main problem seems to be cloths.  One year the little girls had pants on so tight they couldn't sit down in them without being very uncomfortable.  I asked one of the other teachers if they had noticed all the little girls dressing this way and she said yes.  She told me it was the style and no one carried anything else in the girls department.  One child was so uncomfortable I asked her mother to start sending her in sweat pants so she would be able to sit still.  She tried it but soon went back to the “style” because the child had a fit to dress like everyone else.   

         Parents play their part in all this too.  They get sucked into the hype that is sold to their kids.  One of the couples I used to baby sit for dressed to look like Barbie and Ken dolls.  Their 3 year old daughter wanted to dress like mamma so she was dressed in rather revealing short shorts and middy tops. She also swung her hips side to side when she walked.   I think many young parents today try to make themselves feel good by buying the children the latest thing.   It is not a strategy that works well. 

         What it all comes down to is how we help our children find their true identity and it isn’t to be found in the perception others give us about ourselves.  “Identity is shaped from the outside but constructed on the inside.” (Derman Sparks & Olson Edwards 2009)  The messages we give to young children about their worth is very important.  I have met mothers who live vicariously through their daughters by dressing them in grown up out fits.  I have met mothers who think their daughters should be modest, in the homeschooling world this may mean denim skirt, white blouse and white tennis shoes. Modest and practical.   What children truly need is a relationship with their parents that is trusting and honest.  Like the young boy in the reading So Sexy So Soon (Levin & Kilbourne 2012) who was able to talk freely to his mother about the love notes he was getting in fourth grade.

          Parents who are willing to take the time to build a trusting relationship with their child can help them navigate the tough stuff they will encounter in the media soaked culture we live in.  As a parent of both sons and daughters I know it is a fine line we walk.  Not to let them be too precocious and not to be too strict.  The issue is not about sex or sexuality but sexualizing or objectifying a person.  “Both boys and girls are routinely exposed to images of sexual behavior devoid of emotions, attachment, or consequences. They learn that sex is often linked to violence. And they learn to associate physical appearance and buying the right products not only with being sexy but also with being successful as a person.”  Levin & Kilbourne (2009).  When the foundations are laid in this manner children run a much greater risk of engaged in risky behavior. 

         Focusing in this issue in the early learning years can help families build strong relationships and more confident children therefore stronger and more confident tweens, teens and young adults. 

Derman – Sparks, L & Olsen Edwards, J. Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves.  

              Washington, D.C.: National Association for the Education of Young Children. (NAEYC)

Levin, D. E., & Kilbourne, J. (2009). [Introduction] So sexy so soon. The new sexualized childhood and

          what parents can do to protect their kids (pp. 1-8). New York: Ballantine Books. Retrieved

          from:http://dianeelevin.com/sosexysosoon/introduction.pdf