January 23, 2015
I've Come A Long Way Baby!
This week we are asked to reflect upon gender identity and sexual orientation. Gender identity is a topic that has come up recently in our household. You see I am the mother of three boys and two girls. My oldest daughter has mentioned upon more than one occasion that her gender was unfairly treated when it came to things like toys and getting cap pistols, BB guns and bows and arrows. As she is correct. Her brothers got all of those things while she and her sister got stuffed animals and dolls, or doll clothes. She also notes that I was more willing to let her brothers wonder wild and free where as she and her sister we protectively hovered over. Again she is correct. As I pondered this as a parent I realized I had more consciousness about making sure my boys were able to play with dolls then I made sure that my girls were able to shoot a gun or bow. One of my sons dressed up as Cinderella for years and I didn't try to change that. I wanted to protect the girls but had faith in the boys that they would know how to handle someone trying to hurt them. As she pointed out I should have had a more equal view of the whole process. As a parent I was doing the best that I knew how, with loving intentions. Once when my oldest daughter was younger she had written a shanty that was quite violent in nature. I don't remember the content of the piece but she told me I made her throw it away. I do remember that it shocked me that she had written something so violent and out of her nature. She is truly a peacemaker and as a parent I didn't see this side of her. I guess I didn't want to see it. All I can say is "What was I thinking?" Fortunately I have some very savvy children. All of them have embraced the idea that all children should be encouraged to explore their identity and gender orientation. I too am less inclined to treat boys and girls somewhat differently albeit with good and loving intentions.
I have grown too through my Montessori training to trust the children to know their way. Children are not blank slates they have personalities and preferences and we as adults need to respect that. We should also help them to be aware of grace and courtesy for all people. This begins at home of course. As a primary teacher in a Montessori environment we endeavor to make sure all are welcome. This includes couples who are gay or lesbian and have children who want or do attend a school I teach or administer in. Most Montessori schools are nonsectarian and thus do not tend to have the prejudice that other schools have in regards to same sex couples or children who are gay or transgender. People are people and most Montessorians are open minded enough to accept others into the community as long as the basic ground rules are observed.
The post below came across my feed on Face book this evening while I was composing this blog. Unfortunately this happens more than we'd like to think. As a gay woman I was lucky to be able to accept my sexual orientation without much angst. But the plight of young people who are gay has not changed nor has the community that should help them through a fragile time in their lives done so. Finding an adequate school for your child should not have to be a game of rights and wrongs. School should be a community where all children and their families are welcomed and supported in what ever way they can, with as much acceptance as possible.
In the case of a parent who would not want their child to be cared for or taught by someone who is gay or transgender I would have to say that if the staff person was very qualified (and I wouldn't be hiring anyone who wasn't) they could check out other schools in the area and give them a referral.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jamie-mcgonnigal/antigay-tennessee-school
I feel that making a strong atmosphere of acceptance and love in the community of the school will translate to the children and the families. If peace and acceptance are going to rule in the world it has to begin with me. That means that I model and live the philosophy I have about acceptance of differently abled people, people who are ethnically different than me and people who have a different lifestyle than I do. It really does not matter what that difference is what matters is that I show respect for the person.
Peace and all good
Thanks for dropping by.
this is a blog created for my MS in Early Childhood Studies at Walden University
Linda,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your post, I appreciate your honesty. For the most part people parent the way they were parented so you probably were overprotected of your girls and let your boys be free because that is how you were parented and that was how parents did things at that time. When I was growing up my dad was all about boy’s need guns, trucks, football etc. and girl’s should have dolls wear dresses, cook and do girly things. When my parents’ divorced my mom let us play with my brother’s toys and vice versa because she felt we needed to be who we wanted to be and not fall into the stereotype of girls have to do this and boys have to do that. I grew up very talented in sports and since girls were not seen as equal to boys in sports my teachers did not pay much attention to me as they did to the boys until I was in the eighth grade; I set a record for the 100 mile – and then all of a sudden I was worth looking at and all the teachers wanted me to run track and set records for the school but I chose not to because that was not something I wanted to do. I was called a tomboy until I was about 18 years old because I was very muscular and very strong; people would always make comments to me like, why do you have muscles, why are your shoulder so wide, and only boys have muscles; it used to bother me when people make comments like that however ironically those very comments are what women want to hear in today’s world, having a lean muscular body is all the rave now; funny how things work out.
I agree children should be allowed to go to any school that they want without the fear of not being accepted because of their sexual orientation; I think schools should find a way to teach children about diversity and acceptance at a very young age and not wait until they are in middle or high school because then it’s too late they have already learned many biases and stereotypes. I am teaching my preschool children about stereotypes and bias, and they understand what I am talking about they are not too young. Diversity and acceptance should be taught in every grade; all students need to learn how to be global citizens.
Danita,
ReplyDeleteI think you are a very accomplished young woman and what ever you do you know how to succeed. I am impressed with the 100 mile record. I can not run to save my soul but I can dance for 8 - 10 hours and be fine. I was a tomboy too as my mom thought children should play outside so while the girls in the neighborhood were learning all those girls things I was running with the pack. I am a very eclectic person and know how to do just a bit of everything. There is still much to learn about being human that is the fun of living.
Linda:
ReplyDeleteHello again! Every time I read something you post it brings a smile to my face because it gives me a flashback of my childhood. Something sparks. I can remember growing up I had a tricycle. I had just started learning how to ride this tricycle. On the other hand, my brother who is just a few years older than me has a mini bike. I remember how fast it went and wished I could go that fast. My brother was made to watch me and one of his goals was to teach me how to ride that tricycle. To say the least the tricycle was a boring bike. We parked the tricycle in a makeshift garage and I jumped on the back of his mini bike. I can remember my brother asking me if I thought I could drive something that big. Being the Tom-girl I was I said yes. HE showed me how to balance it, how to steer and last how to start it. He ran in the house to use the bathroom and me with mischief thinking put to work what he had taught me. I can remember hearing my mom scream and yell at my brother. She was so afraid I was going to scar up my pretty legs. You know that's not a girl toy! Well, to end my story, I never learned how to ride a tricycle but I sure went fast up those ramps my brother built for test jumps! Girls will girls and boys will be boys but they both need opportunities to explore!
I enjoyed reading your blog. I liked your comment regarding how you would inform the parent that you only hire qualified teachers and if they are uncomfortable they are feel to check out other centers. I actually had to tell a parent something very similar because they did not want a male student who was doing his intern at the center to have any contact with their child. Because of incident they apparently had with a young teenage boy at their other child's school.
ReplyDeleteI hate to hear stories like Sandra's but I Think I would do the same... Times have changed and it is time people start to accept the changing world or I do not know what will become of it. Thank you for your post!
ReplyDeleteLinda,
ReplyDeleteI always enjoy reading your post. You have experienced a lot in your life. I greatly appreciate you sharing with us. I agree with your way of thinking when it comes to hiring qualified teachers and not focus on their personal life.